"Mirror Of Ink"

I look into this mirror of ink and see a soul that has no beauty in itself, but is silvery-white in the light of

Your Grace that covers me and makes me new.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Journey To Adoption

It's been a long time since I've written a blog...too long, really.  Since January I have been filling in as the interim Children's Pastor at our church, which has added a whole other element to our family dynamic (I think the word is "crazy-busy").  So as usual, when my free time is limited, writing tends to be put on the back burner.

I want to change that, though, because our family is just starting on a new journey that I want to share with the world.  We have started the process of international adoption.  Many of our friends and family are aware that in the fall of 2009, God began shifting some things in Derick and I.  Through an incredible book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, we were challenged, convicted, humbled, and empowered to make a greater difference for Christ than ever before.  Let's just say, God pretty much rocked our world.



Through the process of God opening our eyes to the need in the world around us, He began dealing with our hearts about adoption.  We had talked about adoption being a possibility for our distant future, but never imagined it would be something we would embark on with two small children already in our home.  I could feel the Lord tugging on my heart, calling me to this very scary thing called "international adoption."  I prayed and asked the Lord to give Derick and I His clear direction.  I decided not to say anything to Derick just yet.

One day, Derick walked through the door after a day at the office and, out of the blue, said, "I think we need to adopt."  I was surprised, but not really, because I knew that God was orchestrating this behind the scenes the whole time.  So, I began researching, reading, Googling, asking questions, and looking for answers.  I am so thankful that God placed some precious people in my life who had walked this road before me and were able to give some extremely helpful advice.  We found an adoption agency in Georgia and began the preliminary paperwork to get started. 

Many people have asked why we chose international adoption, and more specifically, South Korea.  Why we chose to adopt internationally really has much more to do with God and less to do with us.  It is simply what He put in our hearts to do.  We are just being obedient to His leading.  As for why South Korea, over 35 years ago, my grandparents also had a burden for the people of South Korea.  They chose to leave their home in Oklahoma for several years and serve as missionaries there.  My mother lived there during her junior and part of her senior year in high school.  Growing up, it just felt like the culture and language of South Korea was a part of my family.  So when it came time to choose a country to adopt from, we felt that it would be such an incredible blessing to continue the heritage of love for the people of South Korea that was birthed in my grandparents by adopting a child from there. 


Unfortunately, when we started the process in early 2010, we were told by our adoption agency that we would have to be put on a waiting list because the quota of children to be adopted from S.K. had already been filled for that year.  It was disappointing, but we trusted God had a better plan.  And He did!  In July of 2010 we moved to Tomball, Texas, and if we had been further along in the process, all our time and money would have been wasted because the agency we were using doesn't have an office here.  I am so thankful that God's timing is perfect!

When we moved to Texas, we couldn't start the process here until we had our own home, and it took a frustrating and long 10 months for our house in GA to sell!  During this time, my heart ached to continue the adoption process and bring our sweet child home, but our hands were tied.  It was a season of much prayer and trusting in God.

Finally, in April of 2011 our house sold.  As much of a blessing as that was, due to the economy, our house was worth much less than what we owed on it.  We had been saving towards adoption and had to take the (miraculous) $14,000 we had saved to pay off our house.  My dreams of adopting were devastated.  How in the world could we afford an adoption that could cost up to $25,000 when we had literally nothing left in savings?  But slowly, quietly, God reassured me that in my great need, He can do greater miracles.




So, the research began again.  Finding an agency.  Filling out applications.  Saving money...sometimes pennies.  We were accepted into Holt International's Korea program in June and will be sending off our homestudy paperwork to our local agency tomorrow!  After that, we have a series of interviews and training to do before our papers can be sent to Korea for approval and a child referral.

Right now, when I think about the huge financial, mental, and emotional mountain we have in front of us, I am overwhelmed.  In my human mind, I see no way we can afford this.  But God is able.  He has called us to this journey, and I am trusting He is leading the way.  I am so excited to add another precious child to our family, and give a child a home and a family that wouldn't otherwise have one.  I am thankful that God would choose us to be a part of His plan for a child's life that is across the world from here.  I am humbled that I get to be the mother of yet another gift from God.  And I am confident- that with God, all things are possible!!

Thank you for your prayers, support, and encouragement during this time!  We will keep you updated on our progress. :)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

With All Your Soul


"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul..." -Matthew 22:37

In my last blog I talked about loving God with all our hearts- the emotional core of who we are.  God delights in us pouring out our emotions to Him in worship and prayer.  He created us to be emotional beings and wants to connect with us on an emotional level.  When we open our hearts in communion with Him, He will begin to change our emotions and passions to look more like His own.  Our heart becomes His.  That is the ultimate gift of love to our Father.

Next, Jesus commands us to love God with all our soul.  So what is our soul?  We know it is the eternal part of our being- the essence of who we are that will live on in eternity after our bodies have entered their earthly grave.  But what elements of our person does our soul encompass?  Well, based on the other things Jesus commanded us to love God with (our heart, mind, strength) we know it isn't our emotions, thoughts, or physical action.  So what is left?

Just us

I believe this coincides with the story of Mary and Martha in Luke chapter ten.  Mary and Martha were sisters.  They lived together and just happened to be hosting Jesus Christ in their home (can you imagine the pressure?!) as he taught his followers.  Martha gave into the pressure of performance.  She felt she needed to have everything just right in order to please the Lord.  But Mary, who seemed to be sitting lazily at the feet of Jesus, was the one who was commended for her actions.  Jesus said:

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” - Luke 10:41-42

Jesus clearly says in this passage that Mary chose the better thing- just being in the presence of God.  She gave him her time and attention and laid her priorities down to just be.  We can pour out our hearts in worship to Jesus.  We can know the Word and teach it to others.  We can live a life that shines His light.  But if we don't take time just to be, we have missed what Jesus calls the "one thing" that is really needed.

Loving God with our soul takes us to a deeper spiritual place than anything else.  It requires us to remember that we are, in essence, spiritual beings wrapped in human bodies.  We were made for something more.  Yet often we allow our humanity to determine our spirituality, rather than the other way around.  When we connect with God on His level- in spirit- and release ourself from the confines of humanity, we can experience His presence in a more powerful way than ever before. 

This might sound tricky or mystical, but really all it means is just allowing ourselves to be in the presence of God with no agenda, no hidden motives, and no reservations.  It means being real, open, and vulnerable before the God of Creation.  Loving God with all our soul means giving God the opportunity to meet with and know us at the deepest point of who we are.  More than anything, God desires to know us and for us to know Him.  So when we make time to just be in His presence and commune with Him, we are giving ourselves- our souls- as a love offering to Him.

As a parent, I love just being with my daughters.  They don't have to do anything in particular to make me enjoy my time with them.  I just love the privilege of knowing them and being involved in their lives.  The conversations we have, the games we play, the shows they put on- it all brings me joy just because we are together, and they are just being their precious little selves.  I know as they get older they won't want to spend as much time with their mom, so I try to enjoy every moment I can.  Every hug, every giggle, every smile.
 
God is much the same way.  He revels in just being with us.  He loves our quirks, and the things that make us uniquely us.  After all, He made us that way!  So when we take time just to be with Him, unhindered and vulerable, it is one of the greatest things we can give Him.  He aches just to know us and have us know Him.  When we do that, we fulfill His greatest desire and our greatest need.
 
Loving God with all our soul is really one of the easiest ways to love Him, but one of the hardest things to do.  We can get so caught up in the demands of life, including "doing good", that we neglect to make time just to be in the presence of God.  When all is said and done and we enter the eternity that we were created for, being in God's presence is one of the main things we will do!  Our life on earth is just preparation for eternity.  If we truly want to love God "with all", we must give Him what He truly desires more than anything else:
 
just us.
 
"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." -Psalm 16:11