Ok so I'm just going to be honest...I haven't been blogging this week because I haven't felt like I've done too great with the patience thing thus far. I have been praying for it. Believe me, I've been praying! And I've sensed the Holy Spirit with me. But it's been hard.
You see, this just happens to be the week where we've really started moving forward with adoption. I've been researching, praying, asking others, researching, praying, e-mailing, and praying some more and we finally felt like we had found the right agency, the right country, and the right timing. But since the process began it has been nothing but waiting. Waiting to hear back about this. Waiting to get an e-mail. Waiting to find something out. Waiting to get a phone call. Waiting, waiting, and more waiting.
It has been in these times of waiting that my impatience starts to rise. I don't want to wait. I want to know what's going to happen and how it's going to happen right now. I want to see the future, know the future and control the future. Okay, not really, but that is how we feel sometimes! It is hard waiting for the unknown. It tests our patience.
What I have discovered this week, though, is that my impatience is a reflection on how much I trust God. If I trust God's perfect timing and His perfect plan, then there is really no room for impatience because I understand that He is in control and working all things together for my good. When I get impatient and try to make things happen on my own, it is like I'm saying "Okay, God, your plan isn't quite working for me, so I'm gonna get things rolling myself since you can't seem to handle the job." Absurd, isn't it? But that's just what we do! Instead of trusting God and waiting for His timing, we take things into our own hands, and end up making a mess of things.
I know God has a plan for our adoption journey. I know He has seen the end from the beginning. And I most definitely want His will for this. Not mine. I want Him to choose the child that will be forever a part of our family, and our hearts. And if I try to make things happen myself rather than patiently wait on Him, I could miss out on what He truly wants for us.
Psalm 130 verse 5 says, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I put my hope." I think the second half of that verse is the key to being patient and waiting on the Lord. Putting our hope in His Word. If we can get it in our minds that His Word is true, never changing, and steadfast, why should we worry? Why be impatient? He promises us that He is in control, that He loves us, and that He is working things together for our good. We have to find our hope, our rest, our patience in His Word.
So that's what I'm choosing to do. I am choosing to wait. And while I wait, I am focusing on what I know to be true. God's Word. His wonderful, hope-filled Word.