Sunday, November 11, 2007
It's real late/early in the morning (2 AM) and I can't sleep. I've been thinking I should write another blog, so here I am, wondering what to say. I do my best to try and make my words count. So here it goes...
If you know me very well, you know that I am a perfectionist. I like for things to be done a certain way (usually meaning MY way). That is definitely not something I am proud of, and I am learning to change, but I do believe in excellence and try to acheive it in all I do.
Having said that, I have a tendency to be very ALL or NOTHING. I suppose that is typical of a perfectionist. But it can be a real stumbling block. So lately when our children's ministry has hit a lull, I'll admit there were many days I was ready to throw in the towel. I figure, if I can't do it well, why do it at all? But I've slowly come to realize that sometimes the results we get don't reflect the effort we put in. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. It's just...life.
I know that God is good and He always provides the strength we need to do whatever He's called us to do. So why do I get so burnt out and disillusioned when things don't go how I invisioned them? Perhaps because it's not about MY vision.
It's a life-long journey, learning to follow God's direction. I don't have it down now, and I probably won't ever. And the times when I feel the most lost and confused is usually when I've reverted back to what my idea of my life should be instead of relying on God and His vision for me. It's easy to do. We get caught up in the whirlwind of life and next thing you know, you've gotten sidetracked and are wondering where in the world God has taken you when all along you were the one walking in the wrong direction.
So I guess what I'm saying is that God is teaching me that 1. His ways aren't my ways. I have to get over myself and give in to Him. 2. Because His ways aren't my ways, things may not always work out like I think they should. But if I hang in there and trust Him, eventually it will work out better than I could have ever orchestrated. And 3. I have to constantly be seeking Him. I have to stay connected to Him and His vision for me in order to walk in His amazing plan for my life.
It's a journey I know I want to take, no matter what the cost. Wanna join me?